I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
