whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
