I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
