Im at strip club and am horny
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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