I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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