Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
