Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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