The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
