Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
