i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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