i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
