when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
