I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
