once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
