I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
