Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
