The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Less talking, more tequila
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
