OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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