I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
