Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
