What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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