Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
