This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
