Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I supernannyed him into submission
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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