Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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