This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
