I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
