My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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