We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
