I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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