just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
