Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
