just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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