I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
