Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
