My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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