Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
