i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
