I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The police scanner is talking about you again....
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
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