Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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