Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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