6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
