margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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