Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize