eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
