I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
