your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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