I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
