her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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