The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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