Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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