Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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