like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
