i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
