i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
