he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
