I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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