My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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