she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
